I just read 743362 blog..
she is hurt again..
in my mind..
why is it her again..
i wish upon every shooting star..
wish her to found happiness..
find and found are different..
i know she always will have some one by her..
but i didn't anticipate that they all left her..
why is it so hard for her..
i gave her up..
because i know i'm useless..
or say after that incident..
i became a worthless brat..
people who knows about us..
gave different comments..
some say im so rare and long loving..
some say im stupid and foolish..
what others think and feels..
them i don't care..
because deep down in my heart..
you are the one that keep it pounding..
the reason is you are doing well in life..
suicide is cowards' great escape..
i drop that foolish and immature thinking..
got over it and realize something..
all i want to do is wait..
wait to see you to have found happiness..
that alone have gave me courage to live..
your everything that i adore..
i hoped you remember it all..
i wish and pray every moment i remember..
the more i wish and pray..
the more i feel you being further from me..
the more hurt i feel..
i hope you receive more love..
not from me..
but someone you love..
letting go is part of loving someone too..
its a dilemma issue..
got loving someone always hurts..
when you parts with them..
but if they ain't filled with happiness..
why should you hurt your love one longer..
when they can soar and find a new heaven..
it hurts me so much im teary now..
but i will not cry..
To Be Continued.. T_T

12:17 pm;

really feel tired..
no matter wat..
be it this..
or even that..
life truly sux..
really fucked up..
crazy till insane..
mad till unsound..
school work shits..
monetary prob creeps..
damn relationship leaks..
authorities and management..
they all pimps..
im not rich..
and no beans..
just lalluby sleeps..
damn rich kids..
kill forunate kids..
slap them all..
kick them in..
call them nicks..
but im sick..
not that sane..
but yet kane..
reading a chore..
skip that thing..
hop till more..
hope for gore..
kill for trill..
sleep for rest..
the every end..
watch the stars..

anson axilver ansonia

2:56 pm;

rejected..
i was not serious?
i portray this image?
i was really happy wif u ard..
i stopped tnking of sad or emo..
i noe i dun show my emotions well..
i was really finding somone true to be..
i happened upon all million to see you there..
i tnk i let u and myself down all the time spend..
i felt bad..
emo-gaming and cave exile for a few months..
i noe i didnt tak good care of the rs..
i couldve done more..
i wasnt taking intiative enough..
scared to hurt..
sacred to get hurted..
i displayed a bad image of myself into u..
i hate it..
well..
im not prefect or flawless..
but i nvr get so motivated at all either..
hope the future stand clear for us both..

3:17 pm;

30th april, eve of
Labour day.
I woke up
in the noon and decided not to go school after 30mins of
thinking whether to go for my lesson anot.
In the end i
stay home and watch vcd i borrowed from sister and paly a couple
of
games.
In
the evening, meet Edric at AMK mrt who was late and i waited for
30mins which i was 10 mins includingly,
We went to
watch korean movie 200 pound beauty with Alex, Andre, Bryan, Samantha and
Alex's
four unknown colleagues.

the show was
funny
to its tip. and the touching parts make me cried 1st in a cinema and
for
a
show or movie. it was my life happenings that catalyst and react
with
the
moive.

poem?

Tears of
Feelings

i can feel
tears
rolling off my cheeks
so embracing
the
tears flow down
when it reaches
the
ending point which is the end of the face
it just cannot
seem
to go off easily
the feeling
that
hurts was felt once more
is it saint or
just
emotional
eyes side by
side
but its like
worlds
apart
left right view
the
same
but aint the
simliar art
how to get the
one
closer
making two in
to
one its seem to hard
close but aint
that
part
hope to walk
over
but its just so
hard
new is so hard
to
feel
tears are that
is
all come apart
when both eyes
cry
it will show
u
tear of
feelings

bad start? the
middle sounds better ba. the ending was ok only.
This marks the
end
of my 1st pon-sch after sch reopened.
also i felt
that im
lik a typical sch ponster, not pornster ar, read
carefully.

In two weeks
time,
the day will come when it bring me back the one memory which i will
never
forget. the reminding memories that hurt me which i didnt make a
move,
the move
that i was late. this gets me heated as im always
late,
this gets
me softer for
being emotional for this, this
was the
1st
that moves my
heart, the first
to break it, the
first crack i
had to
mend, the first scar
i had to mend. On
this
day, i will be
alone and
hope some one will
know.
This is my one
day
of silence, ignorant, agreement, self-hatred,
exilation.

The End

ANson' Literature Department

1:46 am;

Yesterday..
while with my classmates of E25B at the MOS celebrating Dickson's Bdae..
i had 4 shots of liqour mixed up redbull..
my sisters and the guys invited me to go dancing with them..
at first i was quite awkward as this was the first time i went clubbing with chinese friends..
the others times i went clubbing, i was with malays, indians, sri lankans and even mayamans..
plus there was girls which previously i had not dance with at all..
note1* anson is quite not immusied by girls as he is a nerd and no real sister. noob me.

after a while, i can feel the liquor kicking in and i was dancing more naturally..
i was isolating myself as well as the guys were looking for girls but i was more concern about the dancing experience..
suddenly i realised that there was 6 ladies whom came 2 by 2 to dance near my area..
i was astonished but i kept on doing my stuffs and i turned to face them.. >.<
i did not buai them, if any touch happen, blame the space.. ( read note1*)
i was thinking, they came to me or am i just happen to be there..
well are a friends teached me..
look at them, if they smile, you got chance..
and i did.. i looked at them.. i CANT see..
my specs was in my pockets.. LOLZ..
so i just continued and the guys around them just do what they were coming to do..
buai the girls..
note2* if you tnk anson go club to buai girls, you tnk too lowly of me >.<
after a long time.. the girls were further away but there was a pair which i follow and i did a small test..
i dance facing one of their back but no buai.. (read note2*)
i danced behind them but no buai..
they looked at me and started to type on their hp..
i was tnking they mux be wondering why i was grinding..
they were smiling and i was still looking and dancing..
but i didnt mak a move..
noob me.. haha.. just didnt wan to..
my closer friends will noe why..

well its nice being buai by girls.. lolz.. this is abit truely.. for almost all guys..
althru im half half.. lolz.. im still half a guy who gets arouse..

But well..
at the end if the day..
I enjoyed the nite..

6:04 am;

coz of not enough space.. so i put a post a4 remind mi my stuff all tis..

My dear little brother had lost my handphone and thus i had lost all of you guys and gals numbers, be it home phone or handphone so if you guys and gals have time, please drop me a message having your numbers. Thanks for dropping by and take care to you people.
Now, i have overcome that emptiness by thinking of her again so as to have someone to think of at else, if not i will be very sad again. the thought of her somehow scoothe me even if i have given up the thought of us being together.
Moi Heart feels even more empty then ever without someone i like in it because to love, you have to be in relationship and endure harship 1st.Moi Heart feel like an abyss of darkness that is forever so dark and deep to find out what i actually is waiting for till someone come to save it. To save Moi Heart that is. Who will the saviour be? A lover to mi? A mentor to mi? A good of mine? I just cant wait. But i feel that it will not come to mi soon. i just hope this will happen so that i can really be happy again, Im actually missing all the good things and happenings in life that Im forgetting what Happiness is or say what is quoted as' I Have Nothing To Worry About'I feel sad and unhappy more often after i get over someone i REALLY like that i have no one to think of when im lonely as to me, its over, all over for me of her but we are still good friends i hope.
Hapi for moi wallet was found but Sad because no IC was in it.Dun noe which idiot took moi IC n cash.Mai ho lim bei chua deu, ar bo ho ni siWahahaaahahhaahhaha <-- moi evil laugh, nt evil enough i guess keke..
I think i going for a bachelor lifestyleI think i going for a loner lifestylewaiting for my life partner to appear only
Moodless as i dun noe to be happy or sad for things that had and have not happen.Sad as i lost moi precious wallet i work so hard for and i liked it so much.Veri tired due to juggles between school, work, cca, clan ans outing with my friends.

12:32 pm;

School has reopened, again for the 3rd time my 8months in RP. It was a funny feeling going back to school.
Confused, lost of words, happy, sad, bewildered, don’t know how to type already.
Part of my feelings is because I can see her but also, part of my feelings is because we can’t advance to a different level of friendship.
I love being part of the class, into discussion and the entertainment the school provides.
Keke!
But I hate the food and myself.
I have to work less meaning I can only spend less when I get my salary.
Now that I had become vice clan leader for my clan meaning I will have to attend clan meeting or training whenever I can.
As an elder brother, I have to guide my brothers through their process of teenage life.
As an elder son, being as filial as I can is also part of my duty even if it isn’t; I will still be doing it for my own pride and integrity.
As a friend, I want to give all you guys and gals out there a birthday present so start sending me your birthday dates to me through email. Send to AhShen85@msn.com. This is my new email.

2:40 pm;